Mr. Isaac: Japan's Fifth Largest Island

Japan consists of 4 main islands: Honshu--the big island, which is home to Tokyo, Osaka, and basically everything Japanese; Hokkaido--the nature-filled island in the north famous for its cheese, beer breweries, and snow festivals; Kyushu--home of Nagasaki and warm temperatures (basically the envy of everyone living in Hokkaido), and; Shikoku--famous for...umm...I have no idea. Recently a new island appeared in the region and geologists are dumbfounded on how it came into being. This island was not formed by volcanoes under the ocean or enormous tectonic plates crashing into one another forcing a huge mass of earth shooting skyward like the others. Instead, this "island" somehow migrated into the cluster. This island is known for its very unique and previously-unseen geological formations, and can only be described as Mister Isaac.

Yep, Mister Isaac, a huge mass of...well, something. Mr. Isaac first appeared in Japan in July of 2005 and has been trying to acclimatize himself to the Japanese surroundings ever since. This is very difficult for several reasons: 1) he IS an island (relatively of course); 2) he does not speak Japanese (although he does speak in the third-person once in a blue moon), and 3) he is not used to being called Mr. Isaac....Mr. Arnquist maybe, but not Mr. Isaac. (Sidenote: Yes, this is what the students call me.) Please view the pictures below to truly understand Japan's 5th largest island.


Yep, this is where I replenish my fluids. You know those small cans of soda that you give your little cousin or nephew because you don't want them to ingest to much sugar....the ones that they still need to hold with two hands, even though your hand wraps around it twice? Yeah, well, that is the super gulp here. Note: please take a look at my disclaimer.

This is my 5th grade class. The lesson was on articles of clothing, and as you can see, I brought in many items. We reviewed the names and what not, and then we played a game. The person that said the name first, got to wear that particular article of clothing. The kids loved it. Note: some of them are actually wearing shorts, although they look like pants.


Tuesday is my favorite night of the week because it is volleyball night. I play with the women's league and straight-up dominate. In fact, I can no longer jump at practice. The coach, the only other man there, says in his Jappenglish accent, "Itsaacku, No JUMP!" So I resort to blocking and spiking while flat-footed. It still works wonders.


Cars in Japan are so small. In fact, I've had friends get out of parking tickets in Japan by lifting their car over tire locks. My car is a tiny little Mitsubishi something-or-other. No joking, your vacuum at home probably has more power than my car. Also, my car is so small that it honestly takes me about 90 seconds to get in and out of it. Oh, and my head just barely scrapes the ceiling of my car, so by the time I get somewhere, my hair is acting as if I was rubbing a balloon on it the entire trip. I end up looking like Alfalfa from the Little Rascals.

This is where I have to do my business. Yep. I think the thing I miss most about America is sitting on a toilet. There is no hurry when sitting on a toilet. You can take your time, do a bit of reading, maybe even clip your fingernails or nod off. With the squatter toilets you want to get out of there as quickly as possible. Especially if you are like me and are still trying to devise a way of sitting on your haunches, hitting the target, and having at least one free hand to grab some toilet paper and wipe. It's easy for the Japanese people...they are flexible and have tiny legs. It takes such agility and flexibility for me, that I would consider making it an event at the 2008 Summer Olympics.