Schadenfreude: Part Deux

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Lame Battle Scar


A Saturday night festival with Pilsner Urquell

Shipped straight from Czecho...I must've had twelve

I milled and chatted, then walked and fell

It rang in pain, like a dying bell

It being my bow that's shaped like an "L"

I talked to the doctor while it kinda swelled

He said "you'll be fine. It's just for a spell"

I smiled and chuckled, but wanted to yell

For x-ray or not, I can just tell

It is faux pas to sport a cast tattooed "Get Well!"

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Two Weddings and Some Terminals

After many lines, checks, metal detectors, refresher courses on what is legal (a butter knife) and what it is illegal (lip balm) on a plane, customs officials, and passport stampers, I made it to America. I came home to go to a couple weddings. And luckily, I made it through customs with unscathed wedding presents, a Japanese care package (whale meat, sake, and "delicious" fish snacks). I was so relieved when I checked the registry that no one else had already purchased those gifts. That would've been embarrassing!

Both weddings were absolutely beautiful. Dan and Molly's wedding was in Rochester the first weekend I was home. Then, Brian and Alisa's was the following weekend in beautiful Bismarck, ND. Both guys were college roommates of mine at St. Olaf College. It was strange being in a place where I understood everything that was going on. It was also strange and surreal seeing two of my best friends tying the noose...woops...I mean knot. In all seriousness, both couples are blessed to have each other. I am happy for all 4 of them and wish them all the best.

I went early to Bismarck, ND for Brian and Alisa's wedding because I was a groomsman. I have to admit, Bismarck wasn't on the top of my list for places to visit during my short stint home. It just so happens that the bride (a very beautiful one at that) is from there and that's where the wedding was held. After experiencing all that Bismarck has to offer, I have to say I had an awesome time. The groom's dinner was entertaining, the rehearsals were bearable because of cute bridesmaids, and the service and reception were perfect. OH! And there were great friends and family to talk with along the way.

The morning of the wedding, the groom's company got together for a little morning pow wow. While the bridesmaids were getting their hair done, we went to Bismarck's world famous Donut Hole Cafe for....wait for it....bismarks. That's right, we ate bismarks in Bismarck. Ingenious. Soon after, we needed some milk to wash down the custard, cream, and jelly fillings, so we made a trip out to the famous dairy town of New Salem. Besides dairy farms, New Salem is famous for one thing, Salem Sue: The World's Largest Holstein Cow. It is impossible to miss Salem Sue as you drive by on I-94. Also, it would be an utter (or udder) shame to not get some pictures with her.

Captain and the Coots

coot
n.

1. Any of several dark-gray aquatic birds of the genus Fulica of North America and Europe, having a black head and neck, lobed toes, and a white bill.
2. Informal. An eccentric or crotchety person, especially an eccentric old man.

During my time home, my dad and I had "Day With Dad." Monday was "Day With Dad" because as a pastor they have the luxury of having those horribly manic Mondays off. "Day With Dad" started off a bit slow because of me waking up at 1:30 in the afternoon due to my jet lag. However, after mentally waking up on the right side of the bed in the wrong time zone, I was all game. After a breakfast of Skittles and Chex brand cereal, we were off. Where to? Well, dad got a new boat while I was in Japan, and he happened to be fishing alongside the beaut on the dock as I walked down groggy and bed-headed. I think he was trying to catch some fatted bass to celebrate the return of his prodigal son. Unfortunately, on this day the fish were not feeding thousands, or even two. Instead, they were feeding on my boyish frustration and dad's martyred, overly forgiving Rapala.


Dad put aside his fishing rod and climbed into the boat. As I pushed off, I nearly had to walk on water before christening the boat I have anticipated riding in for many a Japanese month. Simply put, it was heavenly. Dad gunned the 75 horses in the back in the direction of a pile of black specks toward the horizon. The black specks: coots. We rode amongst the birds as they flapped clumsily to get out of the way. It was exhilariting. Dad rode like a bat out of hell and epitomized the slogan on his hat (see above).



"Day With Dad" didn't end on the lake. Later we drank a few brews (possibly my first beers with my pa, which is a moment I think everyone remembers), watched some sports, and talked about women (i.e. my mom and sister). I drove the 4-wheeler around. It was a great day...a day I cherish and a day that has made it both more difficult and easier to be away from home and my dad (and you too, mom).

Sociological Perspectives

After a million hour flight back to Japan in which I sat in an area smaller than a coffin, I am home. Yes, I just left home for my other home. Here are a few differences between my American and Japanese homes:

1. My cat in America is bigger than most of the dogs here in Japan. I think my cat needs his stomach stapled.
2. In America, you have to sit on the floor when there are no more chairs left. In Japan, they don't believe in chairs.
3. In Japan, I have to invent storylines to go with TV shows. In America, I don't have that luxury.
4. Monday Night Football is aired on Tuesday nights in Japan.
5. In America, bowing is a rare sight seen only on Broadway and occasionally at sporting events. Here in Japan you get to bow after saying your name correctly in Japenglish, after you meet people, and just about any other time you are unsure if you should bow or not. My favorite bow: bowing to an empty baseball field after practice.
6. Door frames (and, not surprisingly, my cognitive abilities) are higher in America.
7. Rice is served with basically every meal in Japan. In America: cholesterol. Rice is saved for weddings.
8. Japan hasn't discovered one of the greatest inventions of all time: fire. That is why sushi is in existence. True story.
9. In Japan, kamikaze means "divine wind." In America, it means "you're nuts."
10. In Japan, obese people are athletes (think sumo). In America, athletes are the only people who aren't obese.
11. In Japan, I am blonde. In America, I am the brown-haired boy with tainted Scandinavian blood.